From the Perimeter
An essay that explores the complex questions of faith, community, and belonging.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.—Groucho Marx.
Since moving to Arizona, the thought of attending church has been on my mind. Over the past few years of searching, none of the churches I visited felt right. I heard about a church near where I live and started attending this summer. In a matter of days, I knew something was different. I joined a Bible study group. I’d only been going to this church for a month when I volunteered to serve on various missions. Soon they invited me to attend a membership class.
Not comfortable with the exclusiveness of the club mentality that comes with being a member of anything, I was skeptical but open to the possibility. I would join the church if I were the type to join a club. I accepted the invitation and attended membership class. At the end of the presentation, I left. That was on a Thursday.
Three days later, on Sunday, I got ready and went to church like I’d been doing for weeks. I headed down off our mountain and into the valley with renewed exuberance. Something appealing about the meditativeness of driving, the changes in scenery, on an errand or to an appointment. When the clutch releases the gear, the engine takes over, and my mind can disengage. It is the precious space in between, the place where there is nothing else to do but focus on the road. It’s where my thoughts fill the space and get sorted.
Having had a few days to pray on it since the membership class, the act of driving coalesced my intentions with my desires. Was I going to join the family at church? Amid a say-yes-to-everything period in my life, my decision to say yes to my new church leaders and join a church family is right. From the morning sun to the trees and cacti, with the craggy mountains looking down from high, everything expressed its approval.
For months now, when I arrived at church, I cruised into the front parking lot, but not on this Sunday. Today I look for the turnoff to the back driveway, the one that circles the east side of the church campus.
“As members of this church,” the pastor had said during membership class, “we park in the back.”
My suspicious mind interpreted that as exclusiveness. ‘Members have a special place to park?’ I thought and glanced around at the other attendees. Then the pastor spoke on to clarify, “Being a member of this church doesn’t mean you get perks. Oh, no. In fact, it’s the opposite.”
Driving down the gravel road that leads past the building complexes, and through the church grounds, I giggled. ‘Where am I going to end up?’
I pass small family groups, couples, and individuals walking from their cars towards the buildings. ‘Pastor was right,’ I thought. ‘Being a member of this church means we give up the perks.’
While passing the next couple on foot, I roll down my window. “Good morning,” I say with a smile. “Is this the way to more parking?” I get an affirmative nod.
As a fresh member, I navigate to the parking lot the farthest away.
In first gear, my Ranger pickup lugs as I crawl my way along the narrow path that is also a driveway. Definitely not a flat, open, paved parking lot like the one in front.
Way beyond the buildings, the driveway twists through the cacti and then enters a gravel opening. I maneuver around the scattering of cars to get a feel for the protocol, then see the spray-painted white lines showing parking spots.
Safely parked, I begin the trek back to the buildings that house, among other things, the Sanctuary. While walking through the campus, I am surrounded by church members. My smile is the outward sign reflecting what I feel inside. The joy of being among members of a club I may join bubbles up. I realize the exclusivity of membership may not include parking privileges, but a church that practices humility for all to see is a club I can get behind. After service that day, I felt even more inspired to join.
In considering a transition from church attender to church member, I now wonder, can a church allow everyone to become a member? Membership is open to anyone who feels called by the Lord from their heart. I continue my research.
Joining means committing to shared beliefs and practices with some level of understanding. The requirements for joining a church vary from one to the next. Most churches have a process involving confessing faith, baptism, taking classes, and a public commitment to the church’s covenant. Not everyone can become a member, which leads me to the next question running through my head; can anyone attend church without becoming a member?
In every organization, there are rules, beliefs, and guidelines that create the culture. Depending on the organization, say sporting clubs or hobbies, the culture encourages the integrity of the organization’s mission, and protects its members from negative or uncomfortable experiences. Abide by the rules, conform to the culture, and everyone can be happy. Unfortunately, there are always those who ruin the fun.
The natural flow of thoughts leads me to yet another question. What does a church do about disruptive or disrespectful members?
If a church has a weak approach to its mission, loose rules and guidelines, and allows its members liberty to do as they please, then the church is not legit. They are not a unified congregation, who stand on common ground with strong conviction.
In Revelations, Jesus describes seven churches. Using the lamppost as an analogy, each church is a post. The light hanging on the post represents the people of that church. These churches Jesus referred to were literal churches in the historic Roman province. Believers today can see these churches as kind of like categories. These categories represent churches whose members share common characteristics.
Come stand in the light of the enduring church.
For example, there are the persecuted church, Smyrna, and the loveless church, Ephesus. The immoral church, Thyatira and Pergamum, the compromised church. By church, Jesus means the people. A person who claims to be Christian but lives without love will identify with others with the same characteristics. And someone who wants to pick what parts of the Bible to live by based on what is convenient will hang from the lamppost with others who share the same beliefs.
Christians can find a church that supports their position. They and the church they chose can fit the categories. Those who claim to be believers, but are not following the truth within the gospel as written, are not complete. These are not the churches with which I want to associate.
Jesus warns us about the dangers of hanging with the wrong crowd.
1 Corinthians 15:33, which states, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’”
Jesus wants us to guard against the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Just because a church claims to be legitimate doesn’t make it so. When the devil finds a weak heart, he capitalizes. He wants to guide that heart into the center of a group whose hearts are not so strong. The devil wants to infiltrate and spread his evil.
When I attended a church whose members were disrespectful and displayed questionable behavior, I left that church in search of another. For two years, I viewed every church with suspicion. If I had lost trust in another church, I’d go it alone. If you lie with dogs, you’re gonna get fleas. Better not to lie with dogs.
2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?”
But blessed am I to have within me the Holy Spirit that kept my heart open, which led me to a church that shares my beliefs.
There is one category on the list of seven churches in the Book of Revelations where the church is legit. Philadelphia- the enduring church. Churches with a well-established, universally taught, and supported, Bible-based culture have congregations of strong members of integrity. Experienced at spotting the weak-of-heart Christians, they teach according to the actual ancient interpretations and don’t mold the words to suit their lifestyle or the current culture. They encourage all members to adhere to the Bible, and they practice what they preach. This is how Jesus wants all the churches to be, but the devil loves to play around.
A new person with an open heart can experience influences for good or bad when they come to a church. With strong leadership and a congregation of honest and faithful believers, a church can do a lot of good against evil influences.
With a member who might cause trouble, God believes in giving as many second chances as people need. No one is beyond saving. In Lamentations 3:22-23, it says, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end.”
In Luke 15, in the parable of the lost sheep, the shepherd leaves their flock of 99 sheep and rescues the one that went astray. Following the same rule, the leaders of a church can manage disrespectful members through honest dialog. They could offer counseling and guidance. The congregation would pray for all those seeking to do better in their lives. Then, everyone celebrates when someone repents and returns home.
The church will not tolerate the offending member if the behavior continues. And if there is ever any danger, I’m sure the church leaders have had to make the bad members unwelcome, but it is difficult.
It’s hard to be a good person in a world where so many people just go along not even trying. It seems like no one ever punishes them for it. But punishment is between them and God. God has the last word.
We try to be good people because it pleases the Lord. The bad people are not pleasing God at all! In order to spot the fake, we have to learn what is real.
I am learning ways to spot a Christian with whom I want to associate. It is about connection. A person can appear to be genuine while pulling the wool over your eyes. But they will run out of material when they try to cover your heart. An imposter will show their hollowness when faced with an emotional situation, but a Christian will have a deep trust in God. Look for the Christians who always turn to God.
A person who doesn’t respond well to criticism will deflect their wrongs onto others. But a Christian will welcome feedback as an opportunity to learn and grow. Christians in their own hearts are only about God.
When a fake Christian opens a conversation feigning interest but centers the conversation on themselves, their ego gives away the true intentions in their heart. Frequent use of “me” and “I” in conversations makes it easy to identify narcissists.
Romans 12:3 “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.”
A Christian is someone with a healthy self-esteem, empathy, and humility; the opposite of a narcissist.
Some Christians do not tolerate inconvenience. This is also a dead giveaway. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, there will be inconveniences. Christians will not take the easy way out. They will drop everything to give to others and will do so with love.
From Proverbs 11:24, “Give freely and become more wealthy; be stingy and lose everything.”
Christians will guard against takers who try exploitation. In 2 Thessalonians, the apostle Paul addresses the problem of those who take advantage. In Chapter 3, verse 10, Paul wrote, “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.” Christians should stay busy, and they know idle hands are the devil’s delight.
For me, the most dangerous fake Christians are those who use scripture to their advantage. They hide behind the gospel and use it to manipulate others. Remember, even the devil can cite scripture from the Bible.
I look for the Christians who are consistent 99% of the time. In finding groups who share my beliefs, I guard against the predatory type. I go to church for the fellowship and find comfort in worshipping with like-minded spirits who show that they live for the glory of God.
I have always had a strong connection with God, and Jesus loves me even though I have spent large chunks of my life ignoring him. In drawing nearer to the Lord, I have all I need. To show grace in being a model that encourages a lifestyle of generosity, giving and selflessness, I honor the Father. Having the qualifications to join the church, and meeting the requirements is validating.
A warm and welcoming gathering place. The value of being a little fish in a big pond is strength in numbers.
In seeking answers to my questions, I have prayed for discernment. Opening my mind to the possibility of joining a church has brought me to the edge of discovering a bunch of relationships I never knew could be. By growing a deeper relationship with God, I am a better person. I have become a person who can be a member of a club I’d be proud to be a member of.
