Is thinking the same as praying?
A personal essay exploring a journey from fear-based control to faith-based surrender.
Since retiring, I have driven 150,000 miles across the countryside in my Ram truck. With Winnie “navigating” from her comfy bed on the platform I built out of a big cardboard box, we roll along as the odometer ticks.
Before each trip, I visualize as if from a drone flying above, the white pick-up scurrying along. I imagine us arriving to our destination safe and successful. A passage from the Bible comforts me. From the book of Psalms, chapter 121, verse 8, it says, “the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”
I like to travel, but not by air. The phrase, “If God wanted me to fly, he’d have given me wings,” is my standard come-back to the idea. With air travel, even though I have flown half a dozen times, everyone knows I am difficult about flying.
By choice, I have been in a hot-air balloon (calm and peaceful, floating), a single-prop Mooney (rough and scary), and intercontinental jets (too big to accept they can stay aloft) across wide open oceans but haven’t learned to lean on the Lord for help with my irrational fear.
Monitoring the flight tracking app, Winnie senses my angst.
Averse to flying, I am also afraid when loved ones take to the skies. I have had a procedure in place to manage my fear. When someone I know travels by air, they give me their itinerary information so I can track their flights in real time.
My friends and family don’t understand my obsession, but they allow it. I wonder, though, if they might sneak in a flight without my knowing, which leads to more worry, not less. When I think about the chances of someone I care about up in the air without my thoughts to keep them flying, it exhausts me.
I searched for comfort and read Deuteronomy, chapter 31, verse 8. It says, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Will God look out for my people even if they do not believe in Him?
When I load the FlightAware app on my computer and track the planes, does God see my actions and protect the people important to me? I was thinking of them, yet silent. Is thinking about others the same as praying for them?
According to Google, it is not. Thinking keeps the energy internal, self-centered in focus. Praying sends the energy outward… God-focused. It’s about the directions.
So far, no one who shares their travel plans with me so I can monitor them has come to harm, but I can't believe I am keeping these planes safe. That is blasphemous. I do not have the power of God. My thoughts are not prayers, but God must listen to my heart and answer as if they are.
For years, I have been managing my fear of flying through this game of following my people’s planes across the globe. It never occurred to me to pray. I am grateful, but my prayer life lacks discipline. I want to do better. In retrospect, I know it wasn’t because of me but through God’s grace, that I as well as my friends and family have all stayed safe.
Now comes the day when I am learning to pray. My relationship with God, which has always been a quiet, under the radar kind of thing, is coming into the open. I feel fortunate to have God in my life and I have faith in Him. Lifting my heart towards God is the channel for love. By His mercy, God has been there for me. It is time to stop worrying and dance in the glory of God.
In the book of Philipians 4:6, the Bible says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.”
Secure in the knowledge that God is with them, my friends return safe and sound.
The channel is always open, and God will listen to anyone who speaks from the heart. Thinking of others is good, but sending those thoughts out is better. Tell them you are thinking of them. Tell God. Give him your worries so that all you need to say to your loved ones is “Bon voyage,” and “Welcome home.” You know they will be okay.
